


the best right in a million wrongs

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Friendship, Multi, Not Beta Read, Relationship Study, What am I doing, unrequited love implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-30 09:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13948488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: In the beginning, Yuzuru knew only two things about Javier Fernandez- he had beautiful quads and kind heart.In the beggining, Javier knew only two things about Yuzuru Hanyu- he had enormous talent and a bright smile.And then everything changed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, no RPFs from me, SURE.  
> When I started writing I wanted to do something like extended version of my fic 'I'm making my way home', but it got out of hand a little bit.  
> I'm still super new to RPF and stuff, so I'd appreciate any feedback :D Also, English is not my first language, but I hope I did decent anyway.  
> Title from 'Go solo' by Tom Rosenthal.

**Yuzuru- Rostelecom Cup 2011**

 

There were two things Yuzuru knew about Javier Fernandez. First, he had beautiful quads. A high toeloop and a beautiful salchow, performed with ease and consistency that was making Yuzuru's heart beat faster with admiration and jealousy. He couldn't help but watch greedily, making sure that the Spaniard wouldn't notice.

He wanted that quad salchow, he wanted it more than anything in that moment. He knew that if he had that weapon in his arsenal, it would open him a path to the top. He wanted, he needed it so bad, the feeling sometimes hurt even more than falling on the hard ice.

The second thing he knew about Javier Fernandez- he was kind. Most skaters were nice towards each other, but there was just something about the Spaniard that made him stood out. He had the brightest smile Yuzuru had ever seen, warm and honest. They had never talked before, but Yuzuru liked how he would always greet him with a nod and a wide smile. Yuzuru always returned the gesture, but that was all. And it was okay, because Yuzuru's main goal was to improve his skills as soon as possible and he didn't want to be distracted by struggling with his almost not- existing English. He was friendly enough with everyone, but it all narrowed to gestures and a few words he could pronounce without breaking his tongue.

 

The win tasted amazing, but at the same time it left Yuzuru craving for more. But for most he felt exhausted, his limbs and lungs tired after such an effort. He almost fell asleep at the press conference, but after a few minutes he felt a little more awake; maybe it was because of Javier, who was buzzing with excitement on his right. He was practically beaming, congratulating Yuzuru and Jeremy, sending wide grins to everyone. Yuzuru didn't understand much of what he was saying, but his face was like an open book, and Yuzuru couldn't help but smile.

 

Back at the hotel, Yuzuru didn't go to sleep immediately, despite being pretty tired. He grabbed his laptop and settled comfortably on his bed, fingers hovering over the keyboard.

_Javier Fernandez_

There was almost no information in Japanese and Yuzuru scrunched his nose with disappontment, but he guessed it was better than nothing.

The first Spanish man in over 50 years to qualify to the Olympics. First Spanish skater to win a Grand Prix medal. And now, first Spanish skater to qualify to the Grand Prix Final.

It was a lot of 'firsts', and it surprised Yuzuru a little bit. He clicked on the other link, when he found a few new sentences. Number of ice rinks in Spain, that was interesting...

Yuzuru read the number. Blinked. Read it again.

His respect for Javier Fernandez was now twice as big as just a moment before.

 

***

 

His coach was sleeping peacefully on the seat next to him, but Yuzuru couldn't do the same. He still was feeling a bit uneasy on planes, despite so many years of travelling. There was just something unsettling about being so high above the ground, but he guessed it was a pretty normal feeling for anyone with a common sense.

Yuzuru sighed quietly and looked through a window, but saw only an ocean of clouds beneath him. There were things he had to think about, things that he knew were right, but they made his stomach twist anyway. He looked at his coach again, her face calm and relaxed. She was like a member of a family to him, someone he owed so much to.

_His family._

Yuzuru felt tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly. He suddenly felt like a small child again, a riot burning in his chest. _I shouldn't have to make that decision_ he thought _It's not fair_.

But he knew that the choice was only his. It was time to see if he was brave enough to make it.

 

 

**Javier- Grand Prix Final 2011**

 

He still couldn't believe it. He was at the Grand Prix final, among the best skaters in the world. Him, the guy from Madrid who not so long ago would fall on a spin. Seriosuly, that was unbelievable. He couldn't wait for the offcial practice to start, he was so ready to step on the ice.

Brian noticed his excitement immediately, and he smiled at his pupil as he put a hand on Javier's shoulder.

'I hope you'll bring that energy to the ice.' he said and Javier grinned at him.

He liked Brian. He trusted him, and most importantly, Brian put his trust in Javier too. It was like a breath of fresh air, to be able to train like that, with someone who really seemed to care. Of course there were some rough moments, even some yelling, but in the end they were a good team.

The warm-up area was already filled with people, but Javier found a nice spot in the corner and started his stretching, some upbeat song flowing through his earphones. He was excersising for a few minutes when the song changed and he flinched, reaching out to stop it. He was pretty sure Laura had put it on his playlist as a joke, because he hated that piece with all his heart and she knew it perfectly. The music stopped filling his ears for a moment and he overheard a bit of a conversation next to him.

'...poor thing.' someone sighed and Javier turned his head a little and saw Carolina, who was doing her warm-up with Alissa, deep in a conversation 'I can't even imagine how hard it was for him.'

Javier wasn't a fan of eavesdropping, but he couldn't help but get intersted in that conversation. Who were they talking about? And in the end, it wasn't his fault that he could hear them, right?

'Yeah, it's awful.' Alissa agreed with a frown 'I've seen a program on tv and the photos they've shown... it's horrible. And he's so young...'

They both looked at someone and Javier followed their gaze to see Yuzuru Hanyu, stretching all by himself on the other side of the room. Javier's heart dropped as he quickly connected the facts.

Javier didn't think a lot about Yuzuru Hanyu. Sure, he was a very talented skater and was quickly becoming his major competition, but beside that there was nothing special about him. He was very polite and had a bright smile- Javier really liked how he would always return his greetings- but that would be it.

Now Javier had that sickening feeling in his stomach as he was watching that skinny teenager, who suddenly looked even more tiny and fragile in his eyes.

Javier quickly pulled out his phone and did some casual googling, his heart growing heavier and heavier in his chest. Two minutes later he got back to his warm- up, but he wasn't feeling as excited as before.

 

Javier got up to head to the rink, other skaters already on their way there. He spotted Yuzuru, who was struggling with the zipper of his bag, and he made a sudden decision.

'Hey.' he said, stopping next to the Japanese boy who looked at him with confusion. Javier realized that the poor guy probably wouldn't understand anything he wanted to say, so he gave him one of his warmest smiles and patted his shoulder lightly, hoping that it wasn't violating his personal space too much.

'Happy birthday.' he said clearly and he watched Yuzuru's face changing from confusion to surprise, and then there was also a smile on his lips, soft and bright.

That was the only response Javier needed.

 

***

 

It felt surreal.

Javier touched the medal hanging from his neck, to made sure it was real. He blinked in the strong light filling the arena, his eyes focusing on a Spanish flag in front of him. He thought about his family, watching him from another side of the world, from _home._

_This is for you._

* * *

 

 

**Yuzuru- Toronto, summer of 2012**

 

Yuzuru was scared that Javier Fernadez would hate him.

He knew that Brian had asked him how he felt about Yuzuru coming to train in Toronto; he knew that the Spaniard had agreed, but didn't make him any less anxious.

 _You're ridiculous_ he told himself _He's good and kind, you would be okay._

It was like his mind focused on that instead of thinking about moving across the world. Because to be honest, Yuzuru was terrified. He was terrified of that unnknown, cold country, with people speaking in a language he couldn't understand, with different culture and _everything._

There were moments when Yuzuru was so terrified he felt like crying, but instead he tried to smile at his mother, who was preparing herself to moving her life across an ocean too.

As he was watching her he wondered with heavy heart, if she was sacrificing more than him.

 

The rink in Toronto was beautiful. Yuzuru went there a day after coming to the city, to get to know the place and people working there. Everyone seemed friendly and excited to work with him, and Yuzuru immediately felt better. He was feeling more confident with his mother by his side; she definitely had better English than him so he was feeling more comforatble to talk with Brian having her as a translator.

He looked at the ice longingly, at a few skaters practicing on it's solid surface. Brian gave him a few days to get used to the new time-zone and environment, and Yuzuru understood that, but his skin was itching, his body missing skating already.

His mother asked Brian a question and they started talking; Yuzuru felt a little bit left out so he stepped back a little and moved closer to the rink, trying to get a better look.

'Hey!' he heard a cheerful voice behind him and he almost tripped.

'Hello.' he said carefully as he met Javier's gaze. He was wearing his training gear and had skates in his hand, clearly ready to train.

Yuzuru had no idea what to say, fear tightening his throat.

'You're finally here, huh?' Javier asked easily, pronouncing the words slowly and clearly. It actually helped Yuzuru understand him, which didn't change the fact that he was lost for words.

'Yes. Here nice.' he tried and Javier's face brighten up. He said something Yuzuru didn't quite understand and then reached out and _ruffled Yuzuru's hair._

Yuzuru gaped, surprised, watching Javier waving at him and stepping away to put on his skates. He felt slight blush creeping on his cheeks as he watched the Spaniard, his head filled with question marks.

'See you soon.' Javier said before stepping on the ice and Yuzuru knew that all his fears were invalid.

 

 

**Javier- August/September/October 2012**

 

At that point Javier knew only a few things about Yuzuru Hanyu. First, he was incredibly talented, but that was nothing new. Second, he was intense to the point it was almost scary. He always got that fiery look in his eyes when he stepped on the ice, all collected and focused. Sometimes Javier could feel that gaze on him and he knew that Yuzuru was watching him, analyzing and memorizing his every movement. Javier didn't mind that, honestly. He was doing his job, and Yuzuru was doing his.

And third... he was a little bit weird. Javier didn't mean anything bad by that, he was just sometimes a little bit confused. His relationship with Yuzuru was freindly enough; they managed to communicate, somehow, despite Yuzuru's poor English. It was all about simply words, smiles and gestures. Yuzuru didn't shy as much from the physical contact as Javier thought he would, so there was a lot of laughter, a lot of pats on the shoulder and occasionall hugs, and at some point Javier started to think they could become real friends.

He knew how it was to move across the world, leaving everything familiar behind. He knew how it was to feel cold and lonely in that big, overwhelming city. So he walked towards Yuzuru a few times, and asked- with a lot of google translate help- if he would like to go for a walk, do some sighteseeing. Or they could grab a lunch sometime after training, or a coffe, or whatever.

Yuzuru always smiled and thanked, but never agreed.

Aat first Javier thought that maybe Yuzuru's mother didn't want him to go out, maybe she was scared he would get lost or something. So one day he walked up to her and asked if it would be okay. He felt a bit weird, as if he was a kid again. _Good morning mrs Hanyu, can Yuzuru go outside to play?_

To his slight surprise, mrs Hanyu smiled at him brightly.

'Would be nice. He still training or at home. It is good, but lonely.' she said and Javier nodded with understanding 'Thank you.' she added and Javier felt something warm growing in his chest. He smiled and head back to training. A few minutes later he saw mrs Hanyu talking with Yuzuru and he grinned to himself.

At the end of the day he approached Yuzuru and asked him once again. Yuzuru smiled politely and shook his head.

After that, Javier stopped asking.

 

***

Yuzuru was moving restlessly on a seat next to him and Javier eyed him carefully.

'You okay?'

'I'm fine.' Yuzuru answered, but the look on his face was telling Javier something entirely different.

'Don't like flying that much, huh?'

Yuzuru nodded with a tight smile and Javier could see how uneasy he was feeling. He digged into his pocket and found his music player.

'Ready for some Spanish music?' he asked as he handed Yuzuru one earphone.

Yuzuru looked at him with puzzled expression before he took it carefully. Javier grinned and hit his favourite playlist, watching Yuzuru by the corner of his eye. After two songs the Japanese started to bob his head a little, small smile playing on his lips. They spent a fair amount of time like that, sharing earphones and smiles, when that cursed Laura's song came in and Javi wondered why he hadn't deleted that yet. He was about to skip it when, for the first time in long time, Yuzuru spoke.

'I like.'

Javier's hand stilled. He decided he could deal with one cheesy love song, right?

'Again?' Yuzuru asked quietly, looking at him hopefully, and Javier really didn't have a heart to say no.

In the middle of the song he felt Yuzuru's head on his shoulder. He glanced down and saw that the boy was sleeping, his hair falling on his face and his lips slightly parted. He looked even more younger now and Javi couldn't help but smile softly. He took out the earphones carefully and let Yuzuru sleep on his shoulder, checking on him from time to time.

They spent the whole flight to Finland like that.

When Yuzuru woked up he his face blushed with embarassment as he tried to apologize, for what Javi understood from his rushed rambling.

'Don't worry, kid. I'm glad you got some sleep, you look like you could use it.'

Yuzuru looked at him with wide eyes and Javi wondered if he understood everything. He knew that his understanding of English was better than in the beggining, but still. So he decided to go back to their best method of communication. He grinned and ruffled Yuzuru's hair, and watched how the other's face lit up with a smile.

* * *

 

**Yuzuru- World Championships 2013**

 

His short program felt like a disaster. Brian patted him on a shoulder with an encouraging smile, but all Yuzuru wanted to was to go to his room and analyze his mistakes. He blinked furiosuly, trying not to cry.

Javier did only slightly better than him, but he seemed more setteled with it, more calm. Yuzuru kind of admired that. It seemed like a mature approach, and a part of him wished he could be like that- more collected, not crying all the time, no matter if he was happy or sad.

'We'll fight back in a free.' Javier bumped their shoulders together. He rarely failed to make Yuzuru smile, and he didn't fail that time either.

 

 

Yuzuru wasn't a very social person. But at the same time, he really liked other people. He liked to joke around, to laugh, to have short conversations based mostly on smiles and friendly gestures. He just wasn't a fun of _getting closer._ He could be fun in some moments, but for the most time he preferred to focus on his training entirely.

It felt different with Javier, though.

Yuzuru had declined all his offers of spending time together, but it didn't mean he didn't like him.

The thing was, Yuzuru liked him a lot. He liked his easy smile and warm eyes, he liked his hands, his hugs, his bad jokes and his heavy accent. He liked everything about him. He valued him, he respected him, he looked up to him. Yuzuru liked to think they were friends, in some way.

They didn'y hang out, they barely talked about anything except training and some random stuff, but somehow, Yuzuru felt closer to him than to anyone else. Maybe it was just the fact they spent so much time together, or maybe it was something different, something more.

Yuzuru didn't think about it. He liked it how it was.

He sometimes wondered if Javi thought the same about him. He knew that the Spaniard liked him, he knew it by the way he smiled at him and always helped him get up after a fall, asking if he was alright. He was just kind, so kind that it sometimes made Yuzuru's chest feel a little bit tight.

 

***

 

The backstage and warm- up area were filled with people. Yuzu left Brian talking with some other coach and wandered through the crowded hallways with an intention to find Javi. After few monites he spotted him at the end of the corridor and waved enthusiastically. The Spaniard noticed him, grinned and started walking in his direction, when suddenly someone stepped into his way, stopping him.

Yuzuru watched how Javi's face paled immediately, his eyes widening, and he felt an unpleasant sensation in his stomach. He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out who that man was; there was something familiar in that silhouette and Yuzuru was sure he had seen him before.

Then there was that look on Javi's face and Yuzuru's heart clenched with a sudden realization. Without much thinking, he walked to Javi and grabbed his sleeve, turning to the other man.

'Sorry, coach wants.' he said and almost dragged Javi out of there, not waiting for any reaction.

He pushed Javier into a temporarily empty locker room and looked at his face searchingly.

'Javi okay?' he asked carefully; Javier blinked, looking slightly confused, as if he had just woken up. His eyes focused on Yuzuru's face and he sighed quietly, his hand reaching out to rest on Yuzu's neck.

'Thank you.' he said, his thumb caressing Yuzuru's cheek absently.

Yuzru smiled at that gesture slightly, the touch of the Spaniard's hand so familiar by now. After a moment Javi dropped his hand and smiled, his face bright and warm as always.

'I could use a coffee right now. Wanna test the machine with me?'

Yuzuru grinned and nodded, happy that his friend was back to his unusal self. He wasn't one hundred percent sure what it all was about; he had heard things, of course, but Javi never talked about his past and it was totally okay.

 

Javier got the bronze and it felt a bit like a win for them both. Yuzuru's chest felt tight with emotions as he watched Javi getting on the podium, all smiles and look of happinness and disbelief in his eyes.

Yuzu was happy for him. He was proud. And he was just a little bit jealous. That was the way it was between them and he wouldn't change a thing.

 

 

**Javier- Winter Olympics 2014**

 

Javier didn't feel okay.

'It can happen to anyone during any competition. Unfortunately, it happened to me during the Olympics.'

He really wasn't okay.

'I've made too many mistakes, but I'm sure I'll learn from it.'

He smiled. He pretended.

He wanted to scream.

He almost ran away from the interview area after talking to a few journalists, pressure raising in his chest and blocking his lungs. Brian looked at him with concern, but Javi just gave him a tight smile.

'I'm fine, stay with Yuzu. I'm just tired.' his coach didn't look convinced, but he just nodded and Javi felt something like relief.

He got to his room and finally called his mother. She was warm and supporting, telling him with teary voice how proud she was. Javi closed his eyes and inhaled deeply; he knew he should be proud too. He had already achieved more than everyone ever believed, including himself. But he had been so close he could almost feel that medal and now everything he had was a bitter feeling of disappointment.

The call ended and Javi turned his phone and threw himself on the bed, burying his face in the pillow.

He wasn't crying, _he wasn't._

After what felt like few hours there was a knock on his door and Javi seriously considered not opening, but the visitor wasn't giving up, so he finally got up.

'Hey Javi.' Sara smiled softly at him 'Come down and eat something with us.'

Javier considered that for a moment; he was pretty hungry, he felt that now, but at the same time he didn't know if he could handle being around people now. He didn't know if he could handle being their failed hope.

The hunger won, eventually.

'Okay.' he gave her a pale smile.

'Maybe take your jacket?' Sara suggested and Javi narrowed his eyes.

'We're going outside?'

'Just trust me on that.'

 

The dinner actually made him feel better. Some good food, hot tea, his teammates being warm and supporting. There was no judgement and no pity, and Javier was grateful for that.

He just finished his meal when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

'Someone's waiting for you outside.'

Javier blinked, confused.

'Who...?' he asked, but Sara just smiled and walked away.

It was dark outisde, but Javi noticed him immediately. His stomach turned and for a second he considered running away to his room, but he slapped himself mentally immediately.

_Don't be ridiculous._

'Hey Yuzu.'

The Japanese tilted his head a little, looking at him intensely.

'Walk?'

'Sure.'

They walked in silence for a few minutes, apparently heading to the small imitation of a park just on the border of the olympic village. It gave Javi a moment to think.

He was happy for Yuzuru, he really was. He knew how hard the boy had been working, how much he was sacrificing every day. And in the end, he was better than everyone else. Including Javier.

There wasn't much people outside so they found an unoccupied bench easily.

'Javi okay?' Yuzuru asked quietly, looking uncertain.

'I'm fine.' Javi said shortly 'How about you? Finally escaped the press, huh?'

Yuzuru scrunched his nose.

'Many questions. Tired. Wanted to see Javi.'

'You don't have to worry about me, you know.'

Yuzu's gaze turned more intense as he reached out and poked Javier's chest with his finger.

'Silly. Javi is friend. Sad, I worry.'

Javi didn't know what to say to that, so he stayed silent. It touched him, the way Yuzuru cared for him; it wasn't anything new, though. That was what they did.

'I'm sorry.' Yuzuru said quietly and Javier shook his head.

'Don't be, really. It's all me. I'll be okay.'

The Japanese looked at him searchingly, before he reached to his pocket and took out the medal, shoving it carefully into Javier's hand.

'Take it. Hold.'

Javi swallowed over his suddenly dry throat. He hesitated, and then wrapped his fingers around the medal. It was smooth and solid, still warm from being so close to Yuzuru's body.

'This, also yours.'

'What?'

Yuzuru eyes were suddenly hard and fiery.

'I owe you. This. Everything.'

Javier stared at him, stunned. He knew that Yuzuru looked up to him, but that was a lot. Too much, perhaps.

'Yuzu...' he wanted to tell him that he owed everything to himself. To Brian, to Tracy, to his family. That he was only the smallest piece of that puzzle. But there was that familiar, stubborn pout on Yuzuru's face and Javi knew he didn't have a chance.

'I know better.'

Javier felt something warm spreading in his chest and suddenly there were tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but they were still there, threating to run down his face at any moment. Yuzuru's face stiffed with concern, his eyes widening.

'Javi? Okay?'

'I'm fine, I just...' Javi didn't even know what to say, because how you explain that pressure in your chest that wouldn't let you breathe? How you explain that mix of hurt, regret, softness and gratitude?

One rebellious tear ran down his face, but before he had a chance to wipe it away he felt warm hand cupping his cheek.

'No cry.' Yuzu said, smiling softly 'If Javi cry, I cry too.'

Javi laughed, a bit wetly, reaching out to put his hand on Yuzuru's neck. It was warm and familiar under his fingetips, and it's warmth matched the sensation filling Javier's chest.

They cried a bit, in the end. But they knew they would be okay, too.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was so many things he wanted to say.  
> But in the end he had to settle on something easy, something light, something the world would take in without a second thought.  
> 'You are so bad.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself emotional at 4.30 am.

 

**Yuzuru- Grand Prix Final 2014**

 

Yuzuru threw himself on the bed and exhaled deeply; he was exhausted after the long flight, his limbs feeling stiff and his eyes closing, since he hadn't slept much. All he wanted to do was sleep, but it was still too early for that, so he forced himself to get up. He unpacked his bag and decided to take a shower, he for sure could use it after such a long journey. Hot water helped him relax a little, bringing some relief to his tired body.

There was a message on his phone when he exited the bathroom and his lips curled up in a smile as he started typing the response.

There was still plenty time left till the evening, so Yuzuru decided staying in his room wouldn't be a good idea- the risk of falling asleep in the middle of the day was too high. And it was _Spain_. Yuzuru's skin was itching to see more of Javier's homeland, not only what he had seen from the bus.

There were always stars in Javier's eyes when he talked about his country and Yuzuru wanted to see what he could see, too.

He decided to grab a lunch with Tatsuki and went for a short walk with his mother. The city around them seemed nice and busy, with lights flashing around and people talking loudly in their rapid language with an accent Yuzuru knew so well by now. It was a quick stroll close to the hotel, since he and his mother were pretty tired, but Yuzuru still enjoyed. He hoped he would see a little bit more of the city. Someday, maybe.

 

It was a few minutes after 10 pm when Yuzuru heard a soft knock to the door.

'Hey.' Javi smiled when Yuzuru let him in 'Sorry for the late hour, I couldn't get away quicker.'

Yuzuru just nodded with understanding; he knew how it was to be on the home ground, when all attention and pressure is focused on you. He had learned how to bear it and he really hoped Javi could do the same.

Javi's gaze softened as his eyes travelled across Yuzuru's face.

'How are you?' he asked quietly and Yuzuru wondered how much should he tell him. Should he tell him how much pain it cost him to be there, in Barcelona? Should he tell him how much it hurt, still?

He didn't want to be a burden. So he just wrapped his arms around the Spaniard and pulled him in for a hug, resting his head on Javi's shoulder. Javi sighed and returned the embrace, his cheek on the top of Yuzuru's head.

'Happy birthday.' he whispered into his hair 'Sorry for being late with that too.'

Yuzuru chuckled quietly as he remembered the first time Javi had wished him happy birthday. It had been so many years before and Yuzuru still had no idea how he had known. It had been surprising, but also heartwarming, and it had been so, so much.

Javi pulled back a little, his smile warm and bright.

'Get some sleep, okay?'

'You too.' Yuzuru returned the smile. Javier nodded and was about to leave the room when Yuzuru spoke once again.

'And Javi?' the Spaniard looked at him with question in his eyes 'Don't panic.'

Javier smiled, apparently understanding everything Yuzuru wanted to say by that. He always did.

 

He panicked.

But he was Javier Fernandez, and Yuzuru knew that he was a pro at saving the situation, and he didn't fail. Yuzuru was proud of him, but there was also that overwhelming wave of relief flooding his body. _I made it._ Despite everything, he made it, proving to everyone and to himself that he was the best.

The medal ceremony was one of the warmest he had ever attended. The crowd was amazing and Javier was radiant like a sun, his smile wide and cheerful. The winner of the bronze meadal, an older Russian skater Yuzuru hadn't seen a lot of, was also beaming, as if he couldn't believe he was there.

'We've made it.' Javier told him when they left the rink and Yuzru couldn't help but smile.

'We did.'

 

Gala practice was fun as always; people actually had time to catch up and laugh a bit, now when the competition was finished. Yuzuru had fun, talking with people and goofing around with Tatsuki and Guillaume, but at the same time he was observing Javi from the corner of his eye. The Spaniard was occupying the other side of the rink, talking with Sergei Voronov. They were laughing, so loudly and honestly Yuzuru could hear them from his spot.

He wondered.

Finally, Javi left the Russian's side and skated over to Yuzuru with a grin plastered to his face.

'Hey there! I see you're having fun, huh?'

'You too.' Yuzuru nodded in Voronov's direction 'Friend?'

'Sergei?' Javier followed his gaze 'Yeah. We used to train together. My favourite roommate of all times.' he chuckled and Yuzuru's stomach churned. Javier talked about his past so rarely, and almost never with a smile like that.

Yuzuru wondered with a sudden sadness, if he was good enough of a friend to Javier. Was he a real friend, even? He had thoughts like that before, but he had always brushed them away, telling himself that everything was as it should. Enough. But was it?

'Hey, you okay?' Javier asked, putting hand on Yuzuru's shoulder, his thumb lightly brushing the skin of Yuzu's neck. Then there was a spark in his eyes and he smiled a bit slyly 'Don't worry, you're still my favourite.' he said, touching Yuzuru's temple lightly before skating away to talk with someone from the staff.

Yuzuru watched him, and he wondered.

 

 

**Javier- World Championships 2015**

 

The world seemed to believe that he and Yuzuru were best friends and Javi wasn't sure what to say to that.

He liked Yuzuru, he really did. He was incredibly talented and inspiring, but he could also be fun and nice to talk to. They were close in some way, Javi would admit that in the heartbeat. They laughed in each other's arms and they cried on each other's shoulder- well, it was more on Yuzuru, but still. They were each other's motivation, support and biggest competition.

But for Javier a real friend was someone who would actually be invested in your life, and there was plenty of people like that across the world for him. There were his childhood friends who would skype him at least once a month to do some weird kind of a sleepover. There were people in Toronto he had befriended, who would drag him for a beer or to see a movie. There was Sergei, whose English was slightly better than Yuzuru's, but who would send him selfies from every place he visited and who called every year, singing him _Happy birthday_ in Russian.

And then there was Yuzu, who he saw everyday, at his best and worst, and who could say the same about Javier. Yuzuru, who helped him get up from the ice so many times. Yuzuru, who had handed him his gold medal and said _I owe everything to you._

Yuzuru, whom he had never met outside the rink.

How could he explain that to the world? How could he explain that to the thousands of people who had no idea how their lives looked like?

So he settled on a _friend,_ then. It wasn't a lie, but there was so much more to them than just what the world believed was hidden behind that word.

 

***

 

He had great time skating his short program, and he was pretty satisfied with his placement. Maybe he wished for a slightly better score, but he still did good. Brian looked very pleased and patted his back with a smile, already giving him a few tips for his free skate.

He bumped into Yuzu in the backstage, and they exchanged little smiles and nods. It was normal, it was familiar; Javier knew that after the competition everything would be as before.

At least he hoped it would.

 

The arena was buzzing, but Javier couldn't hear anything. It felt like a dream, as he skated to the center of the rink, noise muffled in his ears. He took a deep breathe, and suddenly he felt the weight of expectations on his shoulders, and his stomach turned.

_Breathe._

He gave it everything he had and more, fighting on the landings, on the spins, battling the harsh ice under his blades. And then it was over, and he couldn't catch his breathe.

'You did good, I'm proud of you.' Brian said before Javier almost collapsed into his arms. He still felt dizzy as they were sitting in kiss and cry, his body shaking with an effort. The scores came and he narrowed his eyes, trying to make sense out of the numbers.

Second.

That was fine. He had never believed he could win anyway.

And then Brian grabbed his arm and Javi realized that he was the world champion.

It was surreal, it was unbelieveable, and Javier didn't know what to do with himself.

_I did it, I did it. How?_

Denis was already on his feet when Javi entered the green room, congratulating him with a smile. Javier shook his hand, still feeling light- headed and overwhelmed. But then he turned around and there was Yuzu, approaching him with extended arms. Javi only got a glimpse of Yuzu's face before the Japanese hugged him, pulling him close with a tight grip.

'You okay?' Javier whispered against his neck and Yuzuru pulled back a little bit, his hands coming to his face 'What?'

'Not crying.' Yuzuru managed to say 'I'm not.'

Javi didn't really think when he took Yuzuru's face in his hands, fingers curling in his hair. He pulled Yuzu into another hug, trying to provide him some comfort.

He knew how failure felt, he knew it oh so well, and Yuzuru felt so fragile and soft in his arms that Javi's heart clenched a little in his chest.

'No matter what, you're the champion.' he muttered into Yuzu's hair 'For me.'

Yuzuru's shoulder trembled and all Javi could do was to pull him closer.

 

* * *

 

**Javier- Grand Prix Final 2015**

 

He was in Barcelona yet again, taking in the familiar air and cheerful buzzing around him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe, the noise from the street beneath him filling his ears.

He wanted to win here, he wanted it more than anything. But could he?

He was the world champion, after all. So maybe he could do that too.

 

The crowd went crazy when the announced Yuzuru's score. World record, again. The Japanese was beaming on the other side of the boards, Javi could see his smiling face over Brian's shoulder.

The announcer read his name and he felt rush of adrenaline. Yuzuru clapped furiosuly and Javier gave him a short nod before skating to the center of the rink.

There were hunreads of Spanish flags surrounding him and suddenly his vision was sharp and clean.

_Watch me._

 

They both broke records, some smaller, some bigger. Javier didn't win, but he thought that he somehow had grown used to that second place. But that was his destiny, still so much more than he had believed he could have.

'Proud of you.' Yuzuru said when they left the rink, medals hanging from their neck. Javi knew that these words were honest, not just a hollow, polite phrase to say.

'I'm proud of you too.' he said and ruffled Yuzuru's hair, watching with amusement how the other man yelped.

'Javiii!' he whined and they laughed, the sound warm and comforting.

 

 

**Yuzuru- World Championships 2016**

 

Yuzuru gritted his teeth as he strapped his boot even tighter, so hard his foot almost felt numb. Good.

He took a deep breathe to calm his nerves a bit and tried to focus on what he had to do. And he _wanted_ his title back. His skin was itching to step on the ice, to prove everyone what he was worth.

He looked around, at all the skaters surrounding him, his competitors.

_I'm going to beat every single one of you._

 

The music started and Yuzuru became one with the ice. The music filled with his ears and he moved, his body flowing, flying. It felt like home, like the most right thing in the world. There was suddenly no pain, no bad memories when he moved, his body flooded with the feeling of freedom and beauty.

_I'm home._

Brian congratulated him with a hug and a wide smile, and Yuzuru couldn't help but smile too, excitement buzzing in his veins. He knew he had done good, great, even. There was a fire inside him chest as his heart was beating fast and steady. He sent a message to everyone- the champion had returned, and they could only try to catch him.

By the end of the day he had over twelve points lead in his pocket and it was suddenly so much easier to breathe. Now he had only one more thing to do and he was suddenly sure he could make it.

 

The free skate practice started and all Yuzuru's confidence disappeared. He barely could land a jump and he fell on the ice way too many times.

_Breathe._

He stopped by the boards, sipping water and eyeing rest of the skaters. He heard a familiar sound of Javier's free skate music and his eyes followed the Spaniard.

Something was wrong.

Javier didn't attempt any jumps, and his whole run- through lacked, well, _everything_. There was no energy, no heart, something like capitulation in his whole silhouette. Yuzuru could see more, though. He knew Javi good enough, and he knew where to look. So he noticed the shadow in his eyes, he noticed how his hand jerked in a familiar, frustrating manner. He knew what it meant and there was a pang in his chest, short and sharp.

He shook his head and pushed himself from the boards. He had to focus.

 

Yuzuru loved the ice with all his heart. It was his first love, his best friend, his longest companion.

But it could be cold and unwelcoming, cruel and not granting forgiveness.

As he skated tiredly towards Brian, Yuzuru wondered if it was over.

He felt exhausted, sitting in the kiss and cry, greeting guys in the green room. Everything hurt, and it wasn't only his body; his mind was screaming, his thought piercing and sharp like knives.

Numbly, he watched Javier performing the skate of his lifetime, and his heart clenched with a strange mix of proud and bitterness.

Second, once again.

Javi didn't say anything when he hugged him. He just pulled him close, letting the Japanese to hide his face in his jacket, as if he wanted to shelter him from the world.

And Yuzuru though,that maybe he did.

 

* * *

 

**Javier- World Championships 2017**

 

_I should be used to falling by now._

He wasn't used to it, but it was easier than in the past. It hurt, still, but he knew he would be okay. He always was.

The interview area was filled with people, trying to get some statement from him, a fallen champion, the biggest surprise. Javier didn't know if they expected tears or some angry remarks, but he did what he did always- he smiled and repaeted that sport was all about that, and that he wasn't lucky enough to do well. That others were better.

There were questions about Yuzuru, as always. He was used to them, so he could answer them in the middle of the night, still half asleep. It was depriving, from time to time, to be asked a thousand of questions about Yuzu, as if Javier wasn't his own person sometimes. But he had learned to deal with that, too.

He was talking with someone, his thoughts drifting away a bit, when there was suddenly a hand on his shoulder and before he knew it, he was closed in Yuzuru's tight embrace. He hugged him back, like he always did, his lips curling up into a smile as he felt Yuzuru's warmth seeping through their clothes and into his skin. They had hugged so many times that day already, but Javier knew that it probably wasn't the last one either.

Yuzuru pulled back, his face lit up with a smile. He grabbed his medal to take it off and Javi's heart skipped a beat as his mind raced way back to Sochi. But before he could open his mouth in protest there was a familiar weight around his neck.

Yuzuru put his hands on Javier's shoulders and looked at him for a moment, and he didn't have to say anything.

 

Yuzuru knocked to his door a few hours later, chocolate in his hands and smile plastered to his face. They sat down on Javier's bed and ate the chocolate, a half for each one.

'Okay?' Yuzuru asked softly when they finished, and Javier smiled slightly.

'Of course.'

Yuzuru tilted his head a little.

'Sure?'

'Yeah, I'm sure. It's not the first time and probably not the last.'

Yuzuru flinched at his words, but he didn't comment them. They sat in the silence for a moment before Javi spoke suddenly, words leaving his lips without much thinking.

'I might retire after Pyeongchang.'

Yuzuru's head snapped, his eyes wide open, lips parted in a silent protest.

Javier really hoped that the feeling he saw in Yuzu's eyes wasn't pain.

'No.' the Japanese shook his head 'No, no. You can't.'

Javier regretted telling him that. It was something he thought a lot about lately, but he shouldn't drop that on Yuzuru on the day of his win, he shouldn't interrupt his happiness.

'Yuzu...'

'Because today?' Yuzuru asked, his eyes glistening, and Javi sighed.

'No, not beceause of today. I've been thinking a lot about it, lately. I just think my time passes, you know?'

'No.'

'Look, I'm not so young anymore. You see how exhausting it all becomes to me. Soon I won't be able to catch up with all of you.'

Yuzuru didn't say anything, his lips pressed in a tight line.

'Hey, I'm not going anywhere now, okay? I'm still planning on taking that olympic gold from you.'

That worked. Tears faded from Yuzuru's eyes as he chuckled, bumping their shoulders together.

'Can try.' he fell back to lay on Javi's bed, letting out a quiet sigh. Another moment of silence, before he spoke again 'Remember the song? From plane?'

'What song?' Javi laid back too, looking at him curiosuly.

Yuzu scrunched his nose, as if he tried to remember something.

'Fly to Finland, long time ago. Javi played music, I fell asleep.'

Javier narrowed his eyes, trying to recall it.

'I'm not sure... I'm pretty sure I disliked it a lot, tho.' he chuckled quietly 'I'll try to find it and I'll send it to you, okay?'

'Okay.'

Yuzuru's smile was bright as always and Javier's heart felt a little bit lighter.

 

 

**Yuzuru- November 2017**

 

Yuzuru inhaled sharply when his ankle throbbed painfully, causing hot tears to appear in his eyes. He blinked them away furiosuly.

He tried not to think. About his injury, about missed competitions, about pain. About Olympics.

His phone ringed once again, reminding him of countless messages he had received. He didn't want to check them, because he knew what he would find. He was grateful that so many people cared about him, he really was, but at the same time he was too deep in pain and sorrow to really care about that.

His mother came to his room, bringing him medicines and tea. There was a worried frown on her face when she touched his forehead, and for a moment Yuzuru wanted to just hide in her arms and cry.

He didn't do that. He thanked her and went back to staring at the wall.

His phone dinged and he finally picked it up, scrolling through the messages quickly. Shoma, Mao, Satoko, Misha. Warm, compassionate words that couldn't bring him any comfort. And then he noticed a name he didn't see often in his inbox.

Javier.

_I know you'll come back stronger. Take care of yourself._

His lips curled up in the tiniest of smiles. He scrolled their conversation to the previous message; it was from June, a link to a song and a smiling emoji. Yuzuru's fingers hovered over the screen for a moment before he gave in, and his room was filled with a soft melody.

He still didn't bring himself to look up the translation. For him, it was soft, nostalgic song, a symbol of the past, when everything had seemed easier, when everything had been possible.

Yuzuru closed his eyes.

 

 _Así que, corre, corre, corre, corazón_  
_De los dos tú siempre fuiste el más veloz_  
_Toma todo lo que quieras pero vete ya_  
_Que mis lágrimas jamás te voy a dar_  
_Así que, corre como siempre, no mires atrás_ _  
_ _Lo has hecho ya, y la verdad me da igual._

 

* * *

 

**Javier- European Championships 2018**

 

There was always something special about skating in Europeans, and not only because he was a favourite to win for a few years straight now. Javier couldn't quite place it really; maybe it was the fact that it was _Europe_ , it was home, and his family had never missed that event since he had started skating. It felt like his kingdom, a little bit.

The Megasport arena was familiar, but faces surrounding him not so much. Of course, he had seen most of these skaters before, but there was so many young, new people he had barely talked to. He watched how a young Russian he had never seen executed a perfect quad toeloop and wondered with a sudden doubt, if he still was able to do it, memories from China flashing through his mind.

'Feeling pressure?' Javi turned to his left to see Michal, smiling friendly at him.

'More like feeling old.' he answered and the Czech skater chuckled. They were the same age, after all, and they had seen a lot of each other through the years. Javier always liked Michal; he remembered competitions when they were sole representatives from Europe in the top, and he grinned at the memories.

'Come on, we both know you're coming for the sixth.' Michal patted his shoulder 'Let's make a deal. If you win, you pay for the drinks.'

'Deal.' Javi shook Michal's hand 'Good luck, man.'

'Oh how I need it.' Michal grinned widely 'You too.'

Javier watched Mikhail Kolyada popping his quad lutz and he felt determination growing in his chest.

 

He made the history with almost perfect short and not so perfect free. Brian looked pleased enough and Javier actually felt good with his performances, probably for the first time this season. There was still room to improve, but he was feeling hopeful for the rest of the season.

'Told you!' Michal greeted him cheerfully and then sighed longily 'Seriosuly, tell me your secret, so I can end my career with fashion.'

Javier realized then; his first European gold, Michal in third place. It felt like a lifetime before. He suddenly felt very, very tired.

'I guess that drinks are on me, huh?'

 

 

**Yuzuru- Winter Olympics 2018**

 

Yuzuru was surprised with how calm he was. He didn't notice anything and anyone, completely focused on himself and what he had to do. He didn't pay attention to his competitors, to what they did, how they skated. There was only him and the frozen sheet under his blades.

It was all a blur and then it was his turn. He greeted the ice, praying silently _please, don't be cruel, please, not this time._

He wasn't perfect, but he was enough. He knew that the moment the music stopped, and that feeling didn't left him until the end. He barely registered Javier's skate and he woke up when the score was announced, his heart swelling with pride as he realized- they were going to be on the podium, both of them.

It hit him, then. He did it. He was on Olympic champion, again.

He felt tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, but before he could do anything about it there was Javi in front of him, and Yuzuru did what he always did- he buried his face in Javier's jacket, closing him in a tight hug.

'You did it.' Javi said, and there was a smile in his voice 'I'm proud of you.'

Yuzuru wanted to tell him how proud he was of him, too. How much he deserved it. But his throat was dry and clenched, and there were no words that could express what he was feeling anyway.

 

It was all like a dream and Yuzuru wasn't sure what was happening until Javier pulled him and Shoma into a hug. He grinned then, his heart full with emotions he still couldn't express, so he just kept repeating how happy he was, his hand curling on Javier's shoulder. The Spaniard smiled too, warm and bright, but suddenly there was some raw softness in his eyes, something Yuzuru couldn't place immediately.

And then he said, in a quiet voice, that it would be his last Olympics, and the world stopped for a moment.

Yuzuru's thoughts ran back to Helsinki, to the memory he had blocked so succesfully he had almost forgotten about it.

It felt as if his world started crumbling into pieces, everything familiar falling apart in his hands.

'I can't do without you.' he managed to say, tears blocking his throat, and Javier pulled him closer for a few short, gentle seconds.

He wanted to say so much.

But in the end he had to settle on something easy, something light, something the world would take in without a second thought.

'You are so bad.'

_Don't leave me. I'll miss you. Please._

Javier gave him a short smile, his face clouded with thoughts Yuzuru couldn't read. And then the ceremony started, the world demanding their attention yet again.

Yuzuru watched how Javier skated toward the podium, tears filling his eyes once again.

He wondered if the world knew that there would be no Yuzuru Hanyu without Javier Fernandez.

 

***

 

It was so much, after winning.

Ceremonies, interviews, gala practices. It was exhausting, but also it was good to keep his mind busy, not to overthink, just work, a little bit more.

The gala passed in a blur, a colorful streak of light and laughter. Notte Stellata, photos and hugs. Javi's warm fingers, familiar weight of his hands in Yuzuru's.

They got a moment to talk in a locker room, short and rushed, like so many times before. Yuzuru's heart was heavy in his chest as he gained courage to ask, already dreading the answer. Still, he raised his head, his eyes searching Javier's face.

'I see you in Toronto?'

There was a soft smile on Javi's face. He reached out, his hand finding that familiar spot on Yuzuru's neck.

'I hope so.'

It wasn't an answer Yuzuru wanted to hear, and he could feel his throat going dry.

'Hey, I'm not going to disappear, okay?'

'Promise?'

'I promise.'

Yuzuru nodded, warmth spreading in his chest and tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

_I really shouldn't be crying so much._

'Hey.' Javier's voice was shaking a little, but his smile was warm 'Don't cry. If you cry, I'll cry too.'

Yuzuru laughed, a few tears running down his face and falling on Javier's hands. The Spaniard pulled him close to his chest, his heartbeat strong and steady under Yuzuru's cheek.

'Take care of yourself, okay?'

'You too.'

They pulled back, finally, and it almost didn't feel like letting go.

 

They parted ways outside the arena without saying a word. They just shared a smile, the first thing that had ever connected them.

It didn't feel like a new beggining, but Yuzuru knew that it wasn't an ending either.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Corre by Jesse & Joy. I'm not adding an English translation, maybe some of you want to be like Yuzuru and stay oblivious :D I chose the song for a reason tho, so if you're interested click the link below.  
> http://lyricstranslate.com/en/corre-run.html-0#songtranslation

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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